When you are a kid you don’t realize what a
daunting task parenting is. Even as an expectant parent you have no clue what
to anticipate. You may have baby sat for hours, read child development and
parenting books, and baby-proofed the home, but no one tells you that these
little people come into your life with personalities all their own and usually
in direct opposition to your own.
I guess what got me thinking about this was a
picture that popped up on my Facebook memories from a few years ago. In honor
of Mother’s Day I had posted a picture of three-year-old me with a broken leg
sitting on my mom’s lap as she adorned a classic late sixties beehive hairdo.
Much older, I now stared into the eyes of the sometimes mischievous, demanding,
know-it-all child and thought about how hard it would have been to be my
mother. In this day and time, most people look back to their childhoods, and they
are quick to point out what was done wrong on the parenting side of the
relationship without considering the other side.
You see my perfect-looking mommy was only
eighteen years my senior, making her about twenty-one at the time. I’m sure she
had never anticipated taking her child to the hospital to get her leg set after
my grandmother fell on me breaking it. I remember her being there as they set
my leg. I remember her trying to make me comfortable in an itchy, hot, cast in
the southern summertime before everyone had air conditioning.
I remember picking mulberries from the tree
beside our house, playing in the sandbox, and walking to the corner store to
buy Bugles— all things done when it was just the two of us.
I remember her making me banana sandwiches, her
combing the tangles out of my curly hair, and her making me wear itchy, frilly
dresses. I remember her reading books to me over and over again. I guess more
importantly, I remember her saying, “You are smart like your daddy. You will do
well in school.” I didn’t realize how much of a difference her words would make
until I saw the movie, “The Help.”
I was moved to tears in the theatre as I made
the connection. The maid, Aibileen, tells the little girl time and again, “You
is kind. You is smart, You is important.” As everyone else wiped a tear over
the encouragement of the young girl, I sat thanking my mother for her shaping
words.
Her words made a difference. I may be above some
in intelligence, but I do know there are plenty that can outdo me in that area—
that wasn’t the point. I can attest that there have been those times in my
academic career and in life where I felt stretched beyond my ability, and I
would hear her telling a very young me that I was smart and could do it. I used
her words to push me beyond where I might have been tempted to stop.
This Mother’s Day I want to say thank you to my
mother for her encouragement, and I also want to remind all those mothers out
there how much power is conveyed in your words. I know in my own mothering I
said many words I wish I could take back, plenty I would change, and some I
held onto and never released. Instead of dwelling on a past we might have lived
better, we can focus on today. We still have breath. I’m going to use mine this
week to breathe life into my grown children with words of encouragement and
give thanks to my encourager, my mom.
Inspiring words of wisdom and encouragement. Happy Mother's Day!
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