Have you ever heard it
said that the way a wife is treated by her husband shows up in her countenance?
For years, I have studied the lone photograph of my great grandmother, Ella Mae
Pate and her husband Harvey and wondered about their lives.

In the early days of
photography subjects didn’t slap on a selfie-smile. Mark Twain once said, “A
photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to
go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed together.” This
philosophy, not rotten teeth or the idea that a photograph captures the soul,
made photography subjects present a somber appearance.
As I studied the young
face of Ella Mae Pate I see a woman taking not smiling in photographs to the
extreme. Standing beside her husband with her arm perched on the back of his
chair, Ella Mae’s lips are drawn tight in a determination to persevere. Her
alert eyes look ready to adjust her course if need be. Still there are no
bruises, no gunshot wounds, no evident signs of abuse.
Overall, the photograph
of the pair looks typical for the times. The couple came together to preserve
their union for posterity and I for one, am glad they did. Their posing for the
camera, without their smiles, is no different than our carefully chosen,
cropped snapshots we post to social media presenting our best selves possible
to the world.
The truth is that
although a picture is worth a thousand words, it is still a carefully crafted
image to hide behind. Our inner struggles, doubts, fears can easily be hidden
behind a smiling face with the world never realizing what is going on inside.
My one desire with writing a memoir is for others to realize they are not alone
in their interior troubles and that through the sharing of the struggles the
burden may be made lighter for all.
Leave Him? is available on Amazon.
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