Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing Baby


I’m sure everyone has weird little habits that make them unique. I’m also pretty sure that some have a little more uniqueness than others.

Last week I needed to get some cash and instead of going to the ATM, I decided to walk around the newly remodeled Target. Not needing anything, but knowing that a purchase of some sort is required to get cash back, I wandered to the candy aisle. I didn’t want a full-on, candy binge with chocolate, caramel, and nuts – just something small, slightly tangy, and chewy. I decided on a small bag of Jelly Belly jellybeans with its label boasting of 30 flavors.

At my desk I opened the bag and dumped a few in my hand to examine them. I am sure there are some wacky people out there that just eat a handful of them, although I’m not sure how you could mix licorice, sizzling cinnamon, and coconut together for a great taste.

So I proceeded with my method. I dumped them out a handful at a time and used the handy guide on the back of the bag to identify the ones for consumption. Out of the thirty flavors, the one that I was happiest to find was juicy pear. When the first one of those melted between my teeth I marveled at how close to a pear the little circle of sugar tasted. There were three of them. Then I methodically picked out the only other ones I could stand to eat: green apple, lemon lime, Sunkist lemon, Sunkist tangerine, and peach. I raked the rest into a pile and put them back into the bag. Who wants to eat toasted marshmallow, tuti-fruiti or bubble gum flavored jelly beans anyways? What is really bad is when you pick up a yellow one thinking it is a Sunkist lemon and it turns out to be buttered popcorn, then you are forced to find another one you can stand to get the taste out of your mouth.

After an hour of sorting, eating a few, and being randomly disappointed I came to a conclusion that I probably should have discovered much earlier in my life. If you are craving a juicy pear, don’t be too lazy to walk to Publix, use their ATM, and buy the real thing. Sugary substitutes are always a poor imitation or as Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell sang years ago "Ain't nothing like the real thing, baby."

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